Coming Out

Michael is in his room with his mother. He appears nervous and she is wary that things aren’t all right with her son.

MOM:
So I told Malcolm you’d be over at about 9.

MICHAEL:
Yes, mom, well about that.

MOM:
(Ignoring him)
You know, I like Malcolm. He’s a real nice guy.

MICHAEL:
Yes, well, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.

MOM:
About about you and Malcolm?

MICHAEL:
Well, yes, about me and Malcolm.

MOM:
OMY GOSH!! I knew it! I tried not to think about it.

MICHAEL:
Mom, no! It’s not what you think.

MOM:
It’s not what I think?

MICHAEL:
No! I’m not….

MOM:
You’re gay. Just say it. YOU ARE GAY!

MICHAEL:
But, Mom, I’m…

MOM:
I should have guessed it early on, but a mother has certain dreams and…

MICHAEL:
Mom, would you stop?

MOM:
Why? Why should I stop??

MICHAEL:
Just listen to me, Mom! I’m not GAY!

MOM:
It’s ok, Michael. I support you.

MICHAEL:
Then you should understand me when I tell you Malcolm’s not my boyfriend.

MOM:
Should we go shopping together? Would that help you with this, somehow make it easier?

MICHAEL:
No, Mom. I think we should PRAY together.

MOM:
Pray together?!? What are you saying?

MICHAEL:
I’m saying.

MOM:
Oh, no not THAT!! Oh, God no!

MICHAEL:
Yes, Mom, God actually did have a BIG part in this.

MOM:
Tell me you’re not.

MICHAEL:
Yes, Mom. I’m born-again.

MOM: (wringing hands)
Where did I go wrong?

MICHAEL:
It’s ok, Mom.

MOM:
It’s ok? That’s all you have to say? It’s ok??

MICHAEL:
Yes, Mom. In fact, everything’s better than ok.

MOM:
That’s easy for YOU to say. What about me? Now whenever you’re around, I’ll have to wonder. Are you praying? Is my dress too short for you? Can I drink this around you? I just don’t know if I can handle this

MICHAEL:
Mom, YOU don’t have to change anything. Everything’s going to be fine.

MOM:
Is there a support group? I think I could really use one about now. I can see it now…Hello, is this Parents and Friends of Born-Again… PFAB… even THAT doesn’t sound good!!

MICHAEL:
You don’t NEED a support group that’s what Church is for.

MOM:
That’s easy for you to say. Oh God, er gosh, golly gee whiz. What will I tell my friends when they ask?

MICHAEL:
The truth, Mom. Tell them the truth.

MOM:
You know, Michael, I can’t help thinking this would have been so much easier if you’d just been GAY!


1 Comment

  • Oh that’s funny~ lol!