So I was passing by the Jewish Home for the Aging in Van Nuys the other day and saw the banner display advertising their Mommy and Me program. Can you imagine the bragging at THAT one…Oy! my son the doctor…he kvetches about his work all the time. I keep telling him he needs a nice woman to settle down with…awww, is that your daughter?? How well does she cook? Not that I’m looking to be a bobeshi anytime soon, mind you.
Did you ever drive by a church and notice the sign out front advertising the sermon for the week, kind of like a television show teaser? I ran across one that said ‘Whatever you do, this blood’s for you.’ Hmmm…using old beer jingles to sell Christianity. Maybe the reason why people don’t go to church is based on this advertising. So I decided to look around at a few more signs in town and learn what I could. The first one I came across asked ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’ Now I’m thinking, wasn’t Christ all about giving things away…he gave his mother away, he even gave his life away. Besides, in the Torah, isn’t there a commandment about coveting? So I decided that might not be the church to go to and headed down the street further. The next church sign says ‘Which way is up?’ Well, I don’t know about you, but if the church doesn’t know, who will? Once again, I set off down the street pondering my options when I came across another church sign. This time it said ‘Fools rush in’. Not really the way to advertise for people to come in for the Sunday Service…calling them all fools before they even get there?
Just parking in LA, in general, is a pain. You can’t enter the lot, you can’t exit the lot. Just one big sea of cars everywhere you look. And you never actually park. You stop, then go, then stop, then go. They even have special names for these parking structures – let’s see, there’s the 10, the 101, the 710, the 405. That’s when you can use a good saint for a miracle to help out. Hey Moses, you parted the Red Sea, how’s about doing something with this here 405?
Speaking of miracles, I wanted to be extraordinary, so I went to a Jeep dealership for a test drive. I left the lot in a Jeep 4X4 and immediately screeched to a halt near an intersection where some pedestrians were jay-walking. Driving around them, I drove a little further and found myself in a police chase. The helicopter was up overhead and about 6 police vehicles were behind me. I tried to get out of it, turned a corner and before I could drive away from the first stop sign, found myself being pulled out of my test drive vehicle at gunpoint. Carjacked!! I should know better than to hit the dealerships near downtown. So as I walked back to the Jeep dealership, I felt let down. Why? Well, because nothing extraordinary ever happens in LA.